I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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