I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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