im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
