Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
