apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
