i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
