now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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