This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
