I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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