I just gift wrapped bread.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
