I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
