Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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