I need help removing her.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
