I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
