can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
