Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
