I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
