There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
