He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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