everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My cat gives me a boner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We left an ass print on the piano.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
