she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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