it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize