it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize