ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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