Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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