So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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