Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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