i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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