I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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