I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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