i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
