fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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