how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
