Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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