he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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