I'm jealous of your bromance
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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