I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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