my being single is dangerous.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
