Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
foreskin is a definite game changer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
