Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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