I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
