There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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