you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
