The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
