Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
