I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
