the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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