i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
