I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
