it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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