Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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