Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
