You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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