did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
