it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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