Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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