More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize