When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
