He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
