Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
