No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
