we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
