why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
