is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
