so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
