They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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