Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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